{Today I am guest blogging over at Bellies and Babies...be sure to check them out!}
I wasn't sure exactly what aspect of conscious parenting I was going to write about, until talking to a friend the other night. She brought up something that has come up a lot over the last couple of years. People seem to find it surprising that we allow and encourage our children to follow their individual interests.
Perhaps people assume that since we are a large family, we can't take each child's individual passions into account. It's true that in a family our size conformity often rules the day: the children get up at the same time, we eat the same breakfast at the same time, we eat lunch together and start school together. But I view each one of my fourteen children as individuals. It comes in to play when I dress them, spend time with them, give them haircuts and plan out their education.
I recently asked Adalia (15), Judah (13) and Tilly (12) to write a research paper on a topic of their choice. The selections? Major WWII Battles, Ice Cream, and Breast Milk vs. Formula. I'll let you guess who wrote what.
When Adalia showed an interest in nursing as a possible career, we had her take an Anatomy and Physiology class and invited a nurse friend over for dinner. As her interest veered more toward childbirth, we didn't hesitate to send her to Bastyr University to take a doula training course. At 14, she was the youngest student ever to attend. She has since been present at four births and worked as a labor and postpartum doula!
When Tilly showed an interest in photography, we didn't hesitate to help her buy a Canon Rebel, so she could learn the basics of photography. She now assists me with all my newborn shoots.
Keziah is interested in being a professional hair dresser, so we have called and inquired about the requirements for all of our local hairdressing schools. She has been hired several times to do the hair of friends and acquaintances.
Enoch and Hezekiah have both attended LEGO robotics classes, Enoch has built a myriad of model robots and helped his dad repair his excavator. Enoch recently completed a very advanced Space Exploration merit badge for Boy Scouts.
Conscious parenting is all about being in tune with our children. Knowing them, listening to them, and responding to them. What is right for one child may not be right for the next.
Chuck and I have chosen to sleep with our babies when they are tiny, but sometimes we get one who doesn't sleep well in our bed.
So Apollo has been sleeping in his crib at night since about two months old, because that's what works for him. It's not about my "ideal" in mothering, but what meets the needs for each child. I've had babies-on-a-schedule and babies-on-demand. All of my babies have responded to one of these methods, but none have responded exactly the same.
I remember the year Judah and Tilly turned four and five. Their birthdays are only three weeks apart, so we often celebrated them together when they were little. This particular year we bought Judah a little pedal car for his birthday (cost approximately $80) and Tilly two little sets for her doll house (cost approximately $10). My mom expressed surprise over the obvious price difference between the two children's gifts...but they were equally thrilled. Judah didn't want doll house toys and Tilly didn't want an expensive pedal car. Dollar amount had nothing to do with it, and interests and passions had everything to do with it.
We are sometimes tentatively approached by someone who would like to invite just one of our children over...and wonder how we feel about that...and we feel just fine. They are separate people, we don't expect the same treatment. Your child is likely not going to be friends with all fourteen of my children!
You won't see me lining up my boys for buzz cuts out of efficiency or insisting they all wear red shirts so they match. You will see me require that they work hard and spend their time productively...though that may look different for each child.
And so we are present with them. We listen to their spoken words and to the words they don't speak. We allow individuality and personal preferences as we move and bend within the framework of our own unique family. We aren't producing "cookie cutter" children over here, but rather helping to shape fourteen individuals, who I expect will spread their wings in a dozen different directions.
